She's A Teenager!

My beautiful Ellie is a teenager!

Birthdays are always thought provoking. She is such a wonderful daughter and we are so very close. I wonder, I wonder?

How will she fair against this big wide world. Will she be happy? Please let her be happy. She deserves happiness, as do all my girls.

You want so much for them, want to protect them. I love my girls so very much.

We had fun today. We went to Chessington World of Adventures. It was pouring down with rain. We got soaking wet. But we had fun. Just the 4 of us. Us girlies together in the rain. It was special.

Here's hoping I have many more special times with my girls.

X X X

The Sleepover

I was dreading it. Not because I don't like children in the house. I'm used to that. Before Lottie was born, Lucy and Ellie used to have a Best Friends Club with up to 18 girls coming round until 9pm every Friday. But, they were 9, 10 and 11 year olds.

No, a group of fairly un known 13 years olds is a different kettle of fish. I knew a couple of the girls. Lovely. But the others were moody and ready to push the boundaries.

All was going well, even Charlotte was enjoying herself. The pizzas arrived on time, they were involving Lucy and Mark and I were watching telly upstairs. So far so good!

Charlotte got tired and came up to have a sleepover with us and fell asleep while we were watching The Apprentice.

Time to finish on the Wii and retire to the bedroom to watch a film. Lucy decided to bunk down with them and so all seven of them snuggled down in the boys room downstairs.

Up to this point it had been, dare I say 'pleasant', or not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. Some of the girls completely ignored me but hey I can deal with that. But then one of them starts swearing. I know teenagaers are going to swear, I'm not that stupid, but as said to her it's about respect and inappropriate.

It's so hard with girls you don't know. Lucy and her friends are 14 and they are all lovely. easy to communicate with, not sulky, and not all desparately trying to prove a point. Ellie's friends haven't bonded as well and all seem to be trying to impress and sort out the pecking order. There is constant fights and Ellie finds it exhausting. She is so bossy at home and yet here in this group she keeps her head down and is trying to constantly please. Why are girls so bitchy.

With all the things my girls have been through over the years, it's hard not to be protective and want to squash these girls that are too big for their boots. But then a few hours later you get to see their vunerability.

It's 4 in the morning and I have been asking them to go to sleep for a good few hours now. They were having such a laugh. Poor Mark though, up at 6:30 for work. At 4am he wants them to shut up!

So I go down there again. Please try to go to sleep. And the two girls who appeared to have such attitude earlier, are laying together, one sobbing and the other comforting her. Some problem at home. My natural instinct is to pick her up in my arms. But for one, she's bigger than me and secondly, there's a wall, created by them, to keep you out. They aren't babies, so they think. We all need a hug and are vunerable and yet at that age so many children are treated like adults and yet so need to still be able to be children once in a while.

My girls and I are so close. When Jason left, Lucy and Ellie were my rocks. The very foundations of our lives had slipped away and I was just about to give birth. They had to grow up fast. We stumbled through and brought Charlotte into our lives together. They know my vunerability and I know theirs. although they were my darkest days, they also helped me to build much deeper foundations with my girls. Nothing will ever knock us down.

So I am waiting for them all to get up, to cook pancakes and offer my probably much needed love to them all x x

Turning 13

Ellie is my middle daughter. Just about to turn 13. A teenager and acting like one to! Well a very watered down version maybe but I'm having to adjust!

Tonight she has a sleepover. I hate sleepovers, but my girls love them. Why? They get no sleep, nor do the rest of the family and we all end up grumpy!

Things are tight at the moment. Mark owns a financial Advisors company and they are struggling big time. They have had to get rid of nearly all the staff and can't even pay themselves. My second husband Jason who walked out on me when I was eight months pregnant with our daughter Charlotte, used to be a partner in an estate agent so he doesn't have a job at the moment.

So this was my budget party for my Ellie. I had it all planned. The boys are with their Mum and Lucy and Charlotte were going to stay with Jason, so Ellie could make as much noise, without having to worry about her 3 year old sister being woken. but this is grit your teeth time as always. Jason has got some building work for a friend and needs to work very late. If the girls were going to benefit from this work then maybe it would be easier not to feel hurt, but no money is coming this way this month. I rarely ask for his help because he always lets the girls down, but stupidely I thought he would want Ellie to have a great time and Charlotte and Lucy to get some sleep. Rise above it. It's hard!